Why Did You Adopt Me?

Children seem to ask the most difficult questions, right? As grown ups, we’ve come to accept the way things are. Kids don’t. They question everything. And if you tell them something, you can always expect at least 5 more “why” questions. They want an explanation for everything. Earlier this week we addressed when your child recognizes he/she is different and asks, WHY?

If you have shared your adoption journey with your child, another certain question to expect is WHY? Why did you adopt me? Tom Andriola says it’s easy for him, “Don’t lie.” As an adopted child himself, he has always appreciated his parents openness regarding his why?, they weren’t able to have children so they decided to adopt.

Tom recommends offering an age-appropriate truth as to not patronize your child with the wrong explanation or one that has no substantive backing. He says you don’t have to explain the whole sex, being unable to conceive aspect, they’ll figure out what all that means over time. He recommends you take cues from your child providing them answers to what they’re really asking.

With so many reasons to adopt, there are two characteristics when answering your child’s questions: truth and empathy. Children are so curious and they want to trust you. They need trust. That doesn’t mean you have to elaborate all the details of your adoption journey, but it also doesn’t mean hiding the truth or lying.

To read Tom’s full article, click here.



Andriola, Tom. (Aug 2016). “When Your Child Asks, “Why did you adopt me?” Retrieved from https://adoption.com/when-your-child-asks-why-did-you-adopt-me.