How Do I Tell the Birth Father About My Adoption Plan?
Some women choosing adoption are unsure of whether to talk to the birth father, and how to talk to him, about placing the child for adoption. Here are three helpful ways to tell him, each with their own pros and cons:
Talk to the birth father in person or by telephone – if possible, speaking directly to the birth father is the best way of informing him of your adoption plan.
You can inform him delicately and answer any of his questions about your adoption plan or the process.
You can also tell him about the benefits of adoption and how he too can be involved in your adoption plan or can even create his own birth father adoption plan.
Write a letter or email to the birth father – sometimes it is easier or necessary (for a variety of reason) for the birth mother to tell the birth father about her adoption plan by writing him a letter or email.
If you choose this approach, be careful to spend some time thinking about how you want to tell him. Be honest with him and as descriptive as possible.
Explain why you are choosing adoption, why you believe adoption is best for your baby, what the next steps of the adoption process are, and what kind of relationship you are seeking with the adoptive family.
Be sure to choose your words carefully, so your thoughts are accurately conveyed in the letter.
Have Your Adoption Specialist or attorney talk to the birth father on your behalf – if you are not comfortable speaking with the birth father, your Adoption Specialist may be able to talk to him for you.
Before contacting the birth father, your Adoption Specialist may talk to you about him and about your adoption plan.
He or she will then talk to the birth father about your adoption plan and his rights moving forward, and will offer the opportunity to create his own adoption plan.